it's _______ friday
Energy Wasting Friday
The It’s A Friday team have deduced that we waste lots of things:
One thing we don’t waste a lot of is energy. For example we’ll go to the pub, whilst others will expend energy jogging round the park, or some will sit in a room and “work” for hours every day. Many would also label these people idiots. In fact the collective amount of energy wasted by some groups of girls on a night out could power a small hamlet (or a medium sized Macbeth) for a week. And that’s a fact.
This week, therefore, we’ve decided to join in with everyone else and waste as much energy as possible this Friday by whatever means seem fit.
We want you to join in too so here are some top energy wasting tips:
- Turning your heating up by 1C wastes an extra £30, so get on with it. After all, it is winter!
- Public transport is rubbish and smells of tramps and fat people. Buy a really big car and go everywhere in it. Especially really short journeys.
- Don’t wait until you have a full load to put in the washing machine, just wash when you feel like it. In fact, s0d it, why not wash each item separately.
- If you have an energy saving light bulb in your house, swap it for a traditional light bulb. This should waste about £7 a year all on its own.
- Go to a shopping centre and walk up a downward escalator.
- If you’ve got solar panels on your roof like we have at It’s A Friday HQ, get up onto the roof and cover them up with a thick blanket.
- Just removing the insulation from your loft could waste you up to £170. That’s got to be worth doing.
- Why not open your fridge and freezer doors to let them warm up a bit.
- TVs in the UK waste £88 million every year. Make sure you’re doing your bit to contribute to this by never turning yours off properly.
Of course following the above means the It’s a Friday team has no money to spend on booze or fags which immediately makes it a dreadful idea. However while the tips above are “bad” energy wasting there are some things that are “good” energy wasting.
As a handy reminder then: driving, flying and generally making a mess all over Iraq looking for banned weapons that aren't really there – that’s bad energy wasting; driving 1000 miles to look at some b00bs, however – that’s good energy wasting.
Anyway. Frankly we’ve run out of energy to write anymore. Suffice to say, please help us with this and let’s celebrate wasting energy together!
CALLING ALL FATTIES! It's Fitness-Friday!
Do you wake up in the morning and think “God I’m an overweight,
unhealthy, fairly wobbly idiot?” Can you barely breathe after
walking up one (small) flight of stairs? Do you look in the
mirror and think “I might die soon”?
Well don’t fret: help is at hand! Just follow our simple and
easy It’s A Friday fitness programme (sample exercises
shown below) and within weeks you’ll be as fit as a very expensive
fiddle. Quite possibly you’ll also be as fit as Kirsten Dunst
as well (Terms & conditions apply – such as you not being ugly).
The It’s A Friday fitness routine is fun, easy to follow… AND
IT WORKS!!!!!! Seriously. It really does.
We guarantee that in 3 weeks:
- You’ll lose loads of weight.
- Girls will touch you inappropriately and possibly kiss you.
- You’ll be really popular and everyone will laugh at your jokes.
- You will win the lottery.
- You will stop smelling of stoats.
Simply follow our simple exercises – and see the weight simply
fall off (not literally, that would be horrible)
Don’t delay - remember: If you’re a fatty – stop restercising &
The It’s A Friday team are often accused of being “inventive”
with our use of language – mainly in relation to rude things.
For example we’ll call a “willy” a “winkie” and, sometimes,
call a “spade” a “shovel”.
However we have recently become interested in actual, real
inventions. Especially the important ones. Things like the
wheel, trains, and boobs.
(Ed – didn’t god invent boobs?)
(Sub-ed – maybe, but if so who invented god?)
(Ed – blimey, that’s some good philosophy.)
(Sub-ed – yeah, I know.)
(Ed – Good!)
(Sub-ed – I know.)
(Ed – no, I meant good that you know.)
(Sub-ed – I know.)
(Ed – Good).
(Sub-ed – well I’m glad that’s sorted then.)
(Ed – good.)
(Sub-ed – Anyway….)
Anyway – listed below are some “special” inventions we found
on the web.
1. The anti-eating face mask:
This consists of a cup-shaped member conforming to the shape of
the mouth and chin area of the user, together with a hoop member
and straps detachably engageable with a user's head for mounting
the cup-shaped member in overlying relationship with the user's
mouth and chin area under the nose thereby preventing the
ingestion of food by the user.
2. Hijacker Injector:
US Patent Issued In 1974. What’s the idea? Well, quite simply
to install a hypodermic needle injector into every seat on the
plane. This needle was filled with lethal poison. One flaw
(out of many we could list) is that it does require the hijacker
to return to his seat in order for death to be administered. Or
of course the hijacker could just walk around the plane and kill
everyone with their own injector. Oh to have these installed in
Air Force One during some turbulence.
3. Device for Waking Persons from Sleep.
Patent No. 256,265, issued on April 11th 1882. This “device” is
special. It is – and we quote “… a simple and effective device
for waking persons from sleep at any time which may have
previously been determined upon, the device being also adapted
for use in connection with an electric or other burglar-alarm
apparatus, in place of the usual gong-alarms”.
Now this sounds like a dreadful idea already – but the claim that
the “Ordinary bell or rattle alarms are not at all times effective
for their intended purpose, as a person in time becomes so
accustomed to the noise that sleep is not disturbed when the
alarm is sounded” is patently (see what we’ve done there) wrong!
(It isn’t – Al).
The device works by combining an “automatic releasing devices,
whereby the frame is at the proper time permitted to fall into the
sleeper's face”. Brilliant! So, basically, it drops things on
you. Great. Bring us one now and strap us in (not that we sleep
in the same bed, so actually, please bring two if you could be so
Well, inspired by these wonderful inventions It’s A Friday has
come up with one of our own. It’s called The Rainbow Sheep. All
you need is a sheep and 14 of each of the following coloured
felt-tip pens: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, balls, indigo,
Oh yeah. We’ve also invented a new colour called "balls".
One of the Top Ten Fridays
Da daaa da daaa da-da da-da da-da,
Da daaa da daaa da-da da-da da-da
Hello and welcome to Top of the Pops….
No. Not really. Welcome to the It’s A Friday on this, one of
the top ten Friday’s we’ve ever done. Yes, it’s Top Ten
You’ know what’s rubbish? Lots of those Top Ten _______
programmes that are on TV all the time. Some of them are
interesting but a lot are just a bunch of @rse. What’s even
worse is that, in order to make some of them seem better
they’ve made them bigger (top 50 or something) which means they
take all evening and you miss Charmed.
Anyway. It’s Top Ten Friday and we want you to remember that
life isn’t all work and paying bills and scraping cr@p off your
shoes. There are some good bits. You might not appreciate
them or realise how often they’re there but there are some. So
today just take five minutes to list 10 of your favourite or
Here at It’s A Friday HQ we had planned to send you a list of
the Top Ten Fridays… but realised there weren’t many that
qualified. We quickly ran up a list of the Bottom Ten Fridays
but Bottom Ten lists are a lot less popular.
So instead, here is the It’s A Friday Top Ten of Stuff.
10. No, not the film with Dudley Moore.
9. Sleep. As a bodily state it is often underused by the It’s
A Friday team but expertly used by cats. Here’s a tip – you
won’t be tired if you get more than 7 hours sleep. Anything
less – like 2 hours for example – may result in drowsiness,
dribbling and hallucinations.
8. Email. God must have invented emails. They’re brilliant –
and make you look like you’re doing work, when actually you’re
really emailing a Norwegian fisherman to ask if knows Captain
7. There is no number 7. We don’t like the number. It smells.
Therefore we have chosen to ignore its existence, except of
course that by putting this text in for number 7 means we
haven’t ignored it at all. It’s all gone post modern.
6. Money. Papery stuff – that comes from machines. You need
money to buy beer (see below) and things. Sometimes comes in
plastic form but try to avoid using this form of money as it
is used up much quicker and then you’ll have none left – which
5. Pubs. They cost money, eat time - but serve alcohol. Pubs
do have negatives though: they shut.
4. Non-work hours. These are those hours when you’re
officially allowed not to work. Please do not confuse non-work
hours with those where you’re not doing any work but should be
(not that we would know) such as when you have a hang over.
3. Girls. Not all girls though, only the attractive ones. And
preferably ones who’ll talk to us too.
2. Our number two is not poo. We’re not that childish. No,
our number two is friendship. After all, we all know that two
is a couple and three is a couple and somebody else. Brilliant!
1. Wee wee (urine).
Right then. That’s it. Send us your top ten. There’s a great
prize for the best one.
Also as an aside does anyone know what ‘minkie’ means? Email and
tell us if you do / don’t. NB – it does not mean miniature winkie.