it's _______ friday
Dull Friday
Croutons are amazing. Have you noticed how when you eat them on their own they’re crunchy, but when you eat them with soup they go soggy? Why is that? I suppose it’s sort of normal when you put something porous into a liquid based food-stuff.
Anyway...
Another really exciting thing we found out yesterday is you cannot fold a piece of paper more than seven times. It’s a well known fact but we still spent an entertaining number of hours talking about this subject in the pub yesterday – and after numerous tests concluded that whoever said it was right after all. (It was me - Al).
We are also really enjoying our jobs at the moment and have both developed a penchant for photocopying. Photocopying is great because it means you can take a piece of paper with writing (or even pictures) on it and copy it. It’s true, you actually get a real duplicate of the original thing you put it there. God knows how it works – it’s probably magic or something. Or just queer logic. You can even make more than one copy of the same thing if you want. You have a choice of paper (A4, A3, other sizes etc) as well.
And you know how sometimes, you think there might be a bird in the garden (or perhaps the front yard or just in some air or open space in front – or behind, I suppose your house), but then you go and have a look and it turns out that there isn’t a bird there after all except maybe a sparrow and that doesn’t really count. Not that sparrows aren’t really birds of course, they are, just not interesting ones that might be worth commenting on or anything; bit like a buzzard. Blimey, if there was a buzzard in your garden you’d be quite interested I imagine... unless you lived in, like, Buzzard-land or something and you were really used to it and they came into your garden all the time.
Well anyway... our usual observational wit and perceptive social commentary (for more details see Chuckle Brothers Friday, Pigeon Friday, Falling Over Friday or, of course, Rap Friday) appears to have dried up. It’s like we’ve just suddenly gone dull, dull, dull – and boring too. And dulling.
And Borull. And that’s not even a word.
Oh thank the lord that it’s Dull Friday.
i t h a n k y o u
Foreign Friday
It’s Foreign Friday!
We love foreigners. They’re great – and everywhere. All over the world really!
Seriously - walk into any Walkabout in London and you’ll find approximately 12 zillion of Aussies and New Zealanders too afraid to integrate into English society, singing Waltzing Matilda in packs and saying “Flaming Gala”.
(Note that this is not a stereotype - we have spoken to lots of antipodeans and they all speak like Alf Stewart).
Americans have to cope with another four years being labelled as mental by most the rest of the world, but the nice ones are already making efforts to counter this:
www.sorryeverybody.com.
Europeans are good for having fights with about football... and having wars with.
The world, to be honest, is massive and yet we are increasingly living in a global neighbourhood. The rapid expansion of the internet and electronic communication means that we can talk freely to people all over the globe (except China probably) sharing information, opinion and links to photos of cats doing funny things.
More than anything though, what links us all is the desire to get ridiculously drunk...
especially if in a foreign country.
The It’s A Friday team have made both massive and long strides this week in embracing our foreign brethren. We’ve met Swedes, Slovenians and Norwegians this week. Some of us even live with foreigners (though probably not through choice). Could we do any more? Well yes, we could and have. Check out the text messages below we believe were sent by a couple of It’s A Friday reader one night this week:
22:49 – We have Norwegians with us.
22:54 – Might be meeting for late drink, fancy it?
23:21 – O Bar
03:02 – Error
04:55 – It’s late
06:44 – Just got home. There has been an error.
Note the time of these texts and then flagellate yourself for not having the same level of commitment to foreigners as these people have.
So, go forth, and chat to that weird looking bloke or girl at the bar. After all they’re almost certainly going to be foreign. Embrace their culture by staying out drinking after the pubs have all closed. It’s only right when you consider we have the most “special” licensing laws in the whole world. Head to your nearest pub, bar or club right now. And whilst you’re there get us two pints of Kronenberg (a foreign beer).
i t h a n k y o u
Blankety _______ Friday
Hello, and welcome to It’s _______ Friday.
Seriously when we say It’s _______ Friday, we mean It’s _______ Friday. Literally. It’s _______ Friday.
Confused? You _______ shouldn’t be, it’s _______ obvious you bunch of _______ plebbers.
To understand the premise of this Friday you have to be aware of just how _______ our minds get every week trying to bring this excellent product to you.
Normally this happens sometime on Thursday evenings in the pub when we suddenly realise that we have no idea what we’re going to write about.
After _______ pints of Kronenberg it can be quite difficult to think... about anything. We often have to resort to drastic measures such as staying out until _______ am however it’s not clear whether this actually aides the cause. Often Matt will get distracted by girls with _______.
Certainly by the time we both arrive at our
(respective) homes after a Thursday night out there’s barely time to _______ let alone finalise ideas for the Friday email. Mind you we normally do time find to _______. Recommended advice is to _______ in the morning and _______ again in the evening. Keeps things clean.
Anyway. It’s all _______ in the end isn’t it? Might as well just _______ it in our _______ really and be done with it. To be honest, _______ _______ _______ _______ _______ _______ _______ and then _______ _______ with a _______ on _______ from the _______.
Well. That’s about it. Happy _______ Friday.
Anybody wishing to fill in our _______’s should reply to this email. The best responses will get a It’s _______ Friday Cheque Book and _______ (note, however, that they might be rubbish).
i _______ y o u
We take it all back
Hello. Can you guess what Friday it is today? No? That’s rubbish. We can.
It’s Back-Track Friday. It’s a BRILLIANT idea a totally the most appropriate Friday there could ever be for today. There is no dispute on this. Well – not too much dispute anyway.
I mean, you could (potentially) argue that Fireworks Friday might have been better. Or even Fawkes Friday. But it isn’t. Well… it might be. Perhaps it should be. No, forget we said that. It’ll only confuse everybody. Or… I guess, well it might not. Ummmm…. Well when we say it might not… it might….
But, anyway, it’s a Friday so that means it’s time for yet another It’s A Friday email! Hur- and, quite literally, -ray!
We send these things out every single week. Never have we ever (EVER) missed a single week. Take last week for example.
Last Friday’s email was truly brilliant and it arrived kicking and shouting in your box early Friday morning giving you plenty of time to read it during your lunch.
Well…. errm… that’s almost true. I mean it definitely arrived (we really haven’t ever missed a week) but it might have been a bit late. Afternoon, to be honest.
Kind of. A bit. Actually, that’s not strictly accurate. A few of you might not have got the email until Saturday. Or at all. Well, you see, really, in truth… we might not have sent it. Oh OKAY – we definitely, totally, completely did not send an It’s A Friday email last week. At all. To anybody. We were both swamped with work.
Anyway. It’s a lovely, day isn’t? Well, when we say “lovely” of course we have to concede that it’s not as lovely as some other days. Some days are much nicer, more sunny and warm. They’re great – except when you get sunburnt. Or heat stroke. Then they’re not so good.
In fact skin-burning days are really nasty, and mean.
Positively painful. Of course, when we say painful we don’t mean the Worst Pain In The World like in a cricket ball in the gonads kind of way. That hurts far more. Probably more than anything in the whole world. Although maybe not as much as waxing. However since neither of us have ever waxed we wouldn’t know. Well, that’s not strictly true. We do know – but it only happened once. OK, twice. Sorry – three times (a lady-boy), but that’s not a lot is it?
To be brutally honest our day has not been quite as good as it could have been so far. There’s a simple reason: old people. Seriously, there was this old bloke in the It’s A Friday pub today chatting away to the bar staff about a right load of guff, thereby hindering our ability to get served.
What was he talking about, we hear you mutter? Well, mainly the price of peas, and beans – and some generic references about how things were better in the olden days. He also smelt of musty old dishwater. We have, therefore, come to the conclusion that Logan’s Run (
www.imdb.com/title/tt0074812/) had it right. Old people should be put down before they get old e.g. 40. Of course when we say old people are rubbish, not all of them are. For example we have to admit that we definitely “would” in the case of Lulu, and she’s sixty. It’d be rude not to. Errrmmm… hang on a minute, let us clarify what we mean a bit… wait… come back… I didn’t mean it quite like that……
i t h a n k y o u
