it's _______ friday
The Meaning of Life
The It’s A Friday team would like to challenge the common
misconception that we're shallower than a £4.99 Netto paddling
pool. We have, therefore, decided to explore boobs...no, NO!
Sorry. We have, therefore, decided to explore the meaning of
life. It's Meaning of Life Friday!
We've thought long and hard (snigger) about this topic and
decided perhaps life shouldn't just revolve around working,
drinking, smoking and s*x.
We've realised that in the grand scheme of things (i.e. the
universe, the world, or even our place of employment) we, as
individuals, are pretty much inconsequential. Yes we bring
enjoyment and laughter to hundreds of people a week through
this Friday email lark.
And ok we're blo^dy great fun to be around, always managing to
make those around us feel better with our special jokes, amusing
songs and excellent listening skills. But this is not enough.
It doesn't answer the great imponderable questions in this life.
Such as, if God is omnipotent and therefore can see all things
that have and ever will happen then what colour pants does he/she
wear? Which came first the chicken or the egg, or perhaps a
giant omelette somehow stuck on a course of reverse-evolution?
Or, even more importantly, why do girls always go the toilet in
pairs?
We can provide reasoned answers to the first two questions. We
have no idea about the third. Any explanations (or even
demonstrations) would be appreciated.
What we ask of you today is to think about what is meaningful
in your life. Let's face us, we're all different and there
really isn't a one-fits-all solution.
The It’s A Friday team have decided that, whilst spiritual
enlightenment may be a nice idea... actually beer, smoking
and girls equate for about 76% of our total happiness.
Matt would also like to point out that a least a further 15%
of his life's meaning comes from kebabs.
So go and give yourself a deep probing; discover what brings
meaning to your life. If you probe yourself really hard then
the results might quite literally bring tears to your eyes. Get
some tissue ready before you start.
t h a n k s
PS – In case you’re wondering: they’re white (obviously) and
it was an egg shaped chicken.
We Love Friday
I feel it in my fingers; I feel it in my toes.
Love is all around me and so the feeling grows.
And so does my winkie…
We love Friday’s – they’re brilliant. And we love “Love Friday”
even more. OK so it’s not spring and winter is on the way but
we thought S0D IT, it can still be Love Friday!
After all, why not try to inject a bit of joy into the darker
months. Let’s be honest, it’s only 92 days until Christmas.
And we know Christmas is generally a time for gloom and old
people dying because they can’t afford central heating and most
people they know are dead and they now live alone in a one
bedroom flat with mouldy marmalade in the cupboard and mongy
milk in the fridge.
That said things wouldn’t be so bad if they had the love of
their family. You know the sort of thing – coming round for
tea, have a chat, eat a scone etc. Unfortunately it is
unlikely they have that if they’re poor. What’s the point?
You’re not going to get any money after they’re gone.
Errrr, sorry. We seem to have gone off on a bit of a tangent
there. Not a tangerine – that would be stupid. What’s the
difference between a tangerine and a satsuma anyway? Is it
the number of segments?
Anyway – we love love. We both love ourselves regularly
(perhaps a little too regularly in Matt’s case). It therefore
angers us when long-haired tw^ts like Brian May sing things
like “Too much love will kill you”. He’s wrong. STD’s can
kill you; love can not.
Shakespeare described love in many beautiful ways: the stars
in the sky, a summers day and, of course, the getting of ones
self to a nunn’ry.
We can’t do that so instead: It’s Love Friday. Have a manana.
Fill Your Day
Hello moose-people. It’s Fill Your Day Friday.
Now, we want to make something very clear. Here at It’s A
Friday, we IN NO WAY, advocate any sort of messing about or
wasting time at work. No chatting to anybody; no checking
your personal email or the cricket score; no eating; no
breathing unless it’s directly related to work.
That said, we know that not everybody is as rigorous as us
in the avoidance of non-work. So, just in case you plan to
do no work (or study or whatever you should be doing) at all
today, here is a list of ways you can Fill Your Day (how
very un-professional):
- Book a meeting with yourself, go there, talk about silly
things (mastication, boobies or geese) and plan other
meetings with yourself.
- Paint something. Watch it dry.
- Go for a bog kip. To perform this correctly you need to sit
on the loo with your arms by your side and lean forward.
Don’t use your hands or the toilet wall to rest your head as
it will leave a red mark and make it obvious you’ve been
sleeping.
- Pretend to be at least one of The Chuckle Brothers.
- Make toast.
- Pick up a piece of paper and stride quickly out wherever
you are as if you’re going somewhere really important. Once
outside just have a fag, or go to the shop… or do both.
- Monkey Fag Break?
Well that’s all we could be bothered to come up with but we
are 100% sure there a numerous other ways to occupy your time.
It really is up to you how you go about it. Just make sure
there’s no time wasted. Make sure you Fill Your Day.
Oh! Just one more thing. We would like to apologise for the
late arrival of this edition of It’s A Friday. Unfortunately
we were both too busy doing actual work on Friday to send
this out. Sorry. It won’t happen again!
What were the chances of that?!
As Phil Collins once memorably sung:
So take a look at me now, oh there’s just an empty space
And there’s nothing left here to remind me,
Just the memory of your faceWhile both the song “Against All Odds” and the film of the
same title were very good this is, unfortunately, not what this
Friday is about. (Also, as should be obvious, in this context
the word “good” doesn’t actually mean something “good”.)
So what is this Friday? Well blimey and oooh!! Against all
odds, today is Against All Odds Friday! What are the odds of
that?!
You know how, sometimes, something REALLY unlikely to happen,
happens? Like, say, it suddenly rains toilet seats or stuff?
Or you bump into somebody you’ve never met before but they have
the same colour cat as you do? Well that’s the sort of thing
today is about.
It’s about celebrating achievements which didn’t appear
possible but, God knows how, became reality. Like when Ellen
McCarthy blubbed and cried her way round the world in a boat.
Or when some of the American public decided that giving George
W Bush a second term was a sensible idea.
The most amazing "Against all odds" ever, though, was when
that tortoise beat that hare in that race. Hare’s are bloody
quick you know. And a tortoise’s physical attributes (eg
carrying a house on its back) means that it should never beat
anything (other than another, slower tortoise) in a race… and
yet, against all the odds, it did.
And what’s even more remarkable is that this is a story is
true. We were there. (It was rubbish, actually. We’d
sensibly put £12 on the hare to win).
So, anyway, how can you join in? Well you need to do
everything you can to help each other achieve something that,
odds wise, looks beyond them. For example, you may wish to
spread the rumour that someone’s winkie is really wide in order
to impress the girls.
The bottom line is that you should strive to pull yourself off
beyond all expectation. Defy the odds. You might surprise
yourself and end up with a fabulous new life full of rich and
wonderful experiences (and money and 5ex). More likely you’ll
end up disappointed, bitter and with a feeling of hopelessness
that renders you a permanent failure – but hey, it’s worth a
try.
