it's _______ friday
We live in a changing world and dangerous times. We are under attack on both large and small scales from all directions. It is time to make a stance.
In 2001, the world* declared war on terror. Afghanistan was invaded. The Taliban were removed (people could finally own televisions). Women were freed (or at least allowed to be ordered about in places of education). People cried but were also joyous because, after all, war's good innit**
In 2003, Iraq was invaded. Saddam and his tyrannical sons (especially that really nasty one) were removed from power. Oil supply was secured (apart from all the pipes being blown up or set on fire). Iraqi's ate KFC for the first time.
Now, in 2004 it is time for us all to make an individual stance. Today is: The War Against Terror Friday. Obviously in accordance with standard business policy this should ALWAYS be referred to using a pointless and meaningless acronym. [geddit? yeah? oh come on. do i really have to hammer it home?]***
So, today we must all make our own little gesture and fight our personal terrors:
- Avoid spiders
- Shave old ladies with moustaches
- Discourage suicide bombers on the train, or at least ask them to wait until they get to Luton
- Kick pigeons
- Cut off all your buttons (I genuinely know somebody who has a phobia of buttons)
- Eat a jellied eel
- Talk to that rough kid who lives down your road (it is, of course, acceptable to swear at him when you're far enough away to leg it)
- Drink that special, odd coloured drink that has never been opened
- Put your hand down the back of the sofa
Further suggestions are welcome - leave them on the message board at www.bbdancing.com
Right then. See you all later. I reckon if we all go for it together we might be able to jointly overcome our terror of alcohol. It would really be irresponsible not to you heartless gits.
i t h a n k y o u
Well... okay. Not actually "the world". Just a say...errr.. 4 countries, acting against the will of most of the experts, officials, international community, and (of course) the plebs.
Oh for fucks sake. Okay, it's T.W.A.T. Friday
Dear Special Fridays Participant,
I am sure that you are more than aware how much effort goes into deciding on the theme for each Friday. Every week debates (big debates, huge debates, you might say they were mass-deba...) are held to generate new ideas and discuss the various submissions for the forthcoming Friday.
The amount of preparation that goes into some of these Fridays, and the meetings held to decide on them, is quite astonishing. Detailed plans are made. Forecasts of take up are sought and summarised in charts and graphs. A gaggle of secretariat are employed just to note and minute all the times somebody pipes up with "You didn't!" when the contributor in question quite clearly did.
Anyway. The point is that, although it looks like we've made all this rubbish up on the spur of the moment, we haven't. Considerable amounts of out personal time and effort have been expended on the process.
This week, however, we forgot. Or couldn't be arsed. Nobody can quite remember. But, yes, this week we actually have just made it up on the spur of the moment. Our faces looked at each in panic as we scoured the room for inspiration. Then, like a thoroughly deserved punch in the groin, it hit us. Today is Pigeon Friday.
Please see the attached photo.
See how they're smoking the same cigarette at the same time. That basically means that they're kissing.
Please also make the effort to go and see the pigeons in Trafalgar Square. www.savethepigeons.org
. Go on - feed them. You know you want to. You don't! Minute that.
i t h a n k y o u
PS - I'm sure you will all be glad to know that, following on from Chuckle Brothers Friday, myself and Matt have now spent over a week sending "To me" and "To you" emails back and forth. We're going for an official World Record (approx 200 so far). Look out for Wanton Abuse Of Company Email Policy Friday coming soon.
"Come forth to me. Now return back to thyself."
That surely is the universal truth. It encapsulates all that is correct and good about this world for it shows the duality of special relationships and their dependence on the point of reference.
Additionally the phrase demonstrates singularly that two individuals may, though working together for a unified purpose, be required to perform different tasks or the same task in a contradictory manner. Yes, it really is a truism to one and all. To me. To you. It's Chuckle Brother Friday.
Today take Barry and Paul as your example in life. Grab a marker pen and draw yourself a silly moustache. Wear some ridiculous trousers. Perhaps fall off a ladder or do that really funny thing where somebody is carrying a plank of wood and when they turn round it almost hits somebody else in the face but they duck out of the way just in time, but then, when the person holding the plank of wood turns back again it hits the second person after all!
Today we are all, in a very real sense, a member of The Brethren of Chuckle. For the Chuckle Brothers are in all of us. They represent common man. The Every-Chuckle.
So: to me, to you, to everybody.
i t h a n k y o u
PS - www.thechucklebrothers.co.uk
It's Friday. It's a bit late. I've bit a little bit busy. I know it's the end of the day, I know you've all been waiting for it, oh yes, but, now, here it is, finally....
Oh fuck it.
i t h a n k y o u
PS - It's "Oh Fuck It" Friday.