If I were a rich man… la la la la la la la la la la la la la
Isn’t fiddling brilliant?! You can do it anywhere you like:
you can be a fiddler at home, in private; secretly under your
desk; in full view at the pub or in your garden. You can
even be a fiddler on the roof!
Or in the mud (http://www.assateague.com/mud-cr.html
The thing about fiddling, though, is that it’s quite hard.
For a start, you’ve got to tune all the strings - especially
the G string (NOTE: remember to check if there is a G on a
fiddle). You have to wax your bow regularly and pull off any
stray hairs. And, of course, you’ve got to spend about 8
years sounding like you’ve trodden on a bunch of cats before
you can competently play “Three Blind Mice”.
For anybody who’s interested – Matt has just made an ill
judged suggestion that we write something about plucking as
well as fiddling. You will be pleased to know that we have
attempted that, found it to be a rubbish idea and deleted it.
It has been replaced by this paragraph.
But, anyway, enough of this tosh. What’s the point? Well,
that’s an interesting question. It’s not one we’ve got a
definite answer for either.
The best we can come up with is that we would like you to
fiddle with us.
Let us make one thing VERY clear. We mean that you should
join us in fiddling; NOT that you should perform a “fiddle”
Join a folk band. Change all the settings on some important
equipment. Make something very small and complicated. Go
all out and have a game of that thing with the little,
coloured, plastic circles that you try to flick into a pot.
(Ed. – that’s “tiddle”, not “fiddle”).
Basically just fiddle. Fiddle all over. Fiddle a lot.
Is it a bird? No.
Is it a plane? No.
It’s... A FRIDAY!
Today is about heroes. Super ones in the main. But never
forget, as that awful song goes, “A hero lies in you”. Each
of us is a hero in our own way. It’s not just about saving the
world from certain destruction by a megalomaniac - although
that probably helps. It’s not always about big things, it’s
also about the small things. Like mice must often say about
The fireman who goes back into a burning building to rescue
some pussy. The mother who suckles under-nourished hedgehogs
from her bosom. The monkey-hero who takes the time to help an
old lady cross the road… rather than mistaking her for an old
car-tyre and trying to swing on her. These actions are never
But what we’re asking you to do today is think a little
smaller. Explore yourselves. Thoroughly. How could you
make the world a better place? What strength and courage can
you draw upon to help others? Which Friday email newsletter
writers could you heroically buy a drink for this evening?
Have a think.
The It’s a Friday team have done just that. We’ve had a long
and probing think about it. Matt did more probing than Al.
Our solution is simple. We’re going to spend the evening as
“alternative” superheroes. How are we going to do this?
Well, it’s obvious isn’t it? By sticking bananas and other
hilariously shaped fruits / vegetables between our legs. For
example, if we had a banana we’d be banana-man. If we had a
marrow, we’d be marrow man. If we had a carrot, we’d be carrot
man. You get the idea.
The fruit stall was shut when we went. So far all we’ve got
One final, important thing to remember. Don’t get carried
away and watch My Hero on BBC1. It’s truly awful: “oh no, I
forgot I was a superhero, belched, and now Iceland smells of
old milk and the sea has fallen off the earth; hang on I’ll
just fold Jupiter into a paper swan and that should fix it all;
oh HURRAY it did. Oh, and your parents almost caught me
wearing my pants outside my trousers, but I put a 2nd pair of
trousers on over the top super-quick so they didn’t notice,
but then I fell over into a pile of cardboard boxes
mysteriously filled with old rubbish and feathers”. Etc.
PS - You’ll be pleased to know Retardoman and Skidmark-man
were vetoed. Although only just!
This week’s It’s A Friday is going to be serious for a change.
We are sick to death of making crass gags and rude jokes all the time. To be perfectly honest it’s just scraping the bottom
(*snigger*) of the barrel.
It is even more poignant this week since the discovery that we both have Tourettes Syndrome. Anyone who has witnessed us watching England play football could confirm that.
What’s really concerned us, however is the discovery that we also [winkie] have Literary Tourettes, so this week we are setting up a campaign to raise awareness of this problem and to help find a cure.
We need your help. We need your encouragement. Please visit the website below and register your support for our campaigne.
That’s it. It would be morally wrong not to. http://tinyurl.com/8ql6l