it's _______ friday
Do you know what?
Some things are weird. That’s what!
Like, right, how come black holes are really heavy, and light
is really… well, light. And while we’re on the subject: atoms
are so small, what’s the point of making a bomb out of them?
Surely it would be more sensible to make bombs out of whales.
And space…it’s big, but how big is big – and more importantly
why does anyone care?
Well. Worry not. It’s A Friday is here to answer all these
questions for you and many more. It’s simple. Basically, it’s
all physics isn’t it. And that’s why today is Physics Friday.
So, here’s the plan:
1. Make friends with a physicist such as this man:
2. Have a drink of Pepsi or some other phys-ie drink (see what
we’ve done there…)
3. Show someone a photo of Uranus.
4. Demonstrate quantum chaos during atom ionisation. If you
need any help then go here:
5. Invent a type of car that is powered by carbon-dioxide. It
seems a pretty simple pollution solution. Come on, it can’t
be THAT hard!
6. Explain volts and amps and stuff to somebody thick.
Remember: electricity in wires is just like water in pipes.
But drier. NB – be sure to explain to the thickie that you
can’t actually “drink” electricity.
And finally please be sure to talk (all day) like the famous
physicist Stephen Hawking. His computerised voice is brilliant.
However we do think using a computer to talk for you rather
than doing it yourself is a bit lazy. If things carry on like
this people will soon be wanting to move around in special
chairs with wheels rather than walk.
Anyway - that should be enough to keep you going. Obviously
you can come up with your own extra ways to participate if
you want. We’d love to hear about it. Just teleport yourself
into our nano-box along a fat vector and tell us all about it.
Stand Up Friday
Are you sitting comfortably?
Well you shouldn’t be. We want everyone today to stand up.
Do it now. If you’re already standing up then sit down. And
then stand up. Do it twice.
The It’s A Friday team want to make a point: standing up is
good – especially if it’s for things.
For example you could stand up to a bully at work by tweaking
their nipples. You could stand up for the rights of the
homeless by drinking 12 cans of Special Brew, pouring urine
over yourself and babbling at passers-by. We would recommend
that you do this on the street, rather than at work.
Let’s all stand up for the minorities who can’t defend
themselves (you know the types: kids, refugees, gingers, the
Welsh etc) and help them. We’ve always found black boot
polish very effective for the gingers. Obviously that’s to
put in their hair, not to black up.
That’s it really. Nothing complicated. Just stand up for
something or someone. If you can’t be bothered to do that
then at least stand up on something or someone. Or you could
just go and have a good sit down and a poo.
i t h a n k y o u
Hello, and welcome to the best Friday email you could ever
Actually, no, we have to admit that this probably isn’t the
best Friday you could ever possibly imagine. That’s a total
fantasy on our part.
But, oooh, how extremely fortuitous... because today It’s
Now, in order to accommodate as many of you as possible,
there are a number ways that you can take part in Fantasy
Friday. So, just have a read through them all, pick one,
register your choice with us at firstname.lastname@example.org and
get on with it.
Check your fantasy football scores or, better still, make
up your own new games such as Fantasy Indoor Bowling, set
some rules, pick your players, check the scores on the web
and realise that you’re rubbish and need some substitutions
rather urgently. Or fantasy tennis, which is what half the
country does every summer when they pretend that Tim Henman
has ever been capable of winning anything worthwhile.
Pretend you’re a troll and run round with a special sword
chasing somebody else dressed in a purple cloak, a “crown”
of ivy and a staff made from one of those giant, wild
rhubarb things that you always seem to get near ponds in posh
gardens. Please note that you may want to avoid this option
as it WILL involve interwoven celtic designs at some point.
As a slightly less interesting but equally unappealing
equivalent to OPTION 2, sit round a table with some other
people, a 3 litre bottle of Lucozade, and some cornflake
cakes that someone’s mum made, and play some sort of
dice-rolling, spell casting board game for approximately nine
hundred and thirteen hours whilst occasionally using the word
“scrolls” and phrases like “but with your +12 skill attribute,
rolling a 9 might let you win my orc-dagger… and I really
like the green handle”.
A slightly more interesting option however is to buy the
entire series of the Dungeons and Dragons cartoon on DVD and
watch all 24 episodes back-to-back. Whilst the series was
good, it’s extraordinary how many episodes had the same plot
line (ie, get attacked by bad wizards/troll/spider-monster,
find a secret portal/fountain/bush through which the gang can
travel back to modern day earth, only to be thwarted when they
realise the baby unicorn has got itself caught by a (bad)
flying fish/hairless wolf meaning they need to travel back and
rescue it. Invariably the secret passage (leave it!) back
home has closed by the time they’ve saved their horny friend.
Sit in a dark room on your own and think about Matt in his
Right then. See you next week. Please enjoy your fantasy,
whatever type it is.